K.R.'s Carbide Quiz can be found in the Fall 2000 MVOR Guidebook, where it was "Reprinted
by popular demand!!" K.R.'s Carbide Quiz is unedited and is a source of amusement and maybe
even some education. To see the answers, just click on the links, and they will appear in
the frame below.
K.R.'s KARBIDE KWIZ
(OR, I CAN'T STAND IT ANYMORE)
1). Where did the carbide lamp first gain widespread use as a light source?
a) by coonhunters
b) by natural gas workers
c) by miners
Answer
2). How much carbide does the average lamp require per filling?
a) 1 lump
b) 2 lumps
c) about half a baseful
d) stuff 'er full
Answer
3). If you should manage to overfill a lamp, and the contents turn to something resembling reinforced concrete, what is the best way to remove the stuff?
a) a strong stream of water and/or a blunt instrument
b) a pocketknife
c) a tactical nuclear weapon
Answer
4). The key to successful carbide lamp operation is?
a) a good vocabulary of cuss words
b) cleanliness
c) Godliness
Answer
5). A small blue flame or one that comes out of the tip at an angle is usually a good indicator of what?
a) impending doom
b) bad karma
c) out of carbide
d) plugged tip
Answer
6). The proper method of using a tip cleaner is:
a) gently force one wire straight through the tip
b) shove a couple of wires an' ream that mother out
c) tip cleaners aren't tools, but merely a form of cave jewelry
Answer
7). A good time to replace your tip is when?
a) when you knock the tip out and you can't tell the difference
b) when you have to turn the water feed very high to get a decent flame
c) when you hit age 65
Answer
8). The purpose of a felt in a lamp is:
a) to cause problems when you least expect or need them
b) to serve as an emergency handkerchief
c) to prevent water or carbide from entering the gas delivery tube
Answer
9). If you are caving and start having lamp problems, what should you do?
a) whack your lamp soundly on the nearest solid object
b) take the lamp from the caver you just whacked on the head with your lamp
c) sit down and check your lamp's systems thoroughly until you locate the problem
Answer
10). A flame that pulsates or gets bigger when you turn the lamp down usually means what?
a) the caver in front of you had beans for lunch (impending doom)
b) you are probably out of water
c) your 500 Brumley Tech school bonds just fell 60 points
Answer
11). The minimum extra parts and tools a carbide caver should carry are:
a) a pair of pliers, tip cleaner, spare tip, gasket and flint
b) a can of beer, cigarettes and a copy of Playboy
c) a hammer to take care of that #$?@! lamp once and for all
Answer
12). What should you say to a caver who says to you "Hey, man got an extra dump bag?"
a) Say "Sure" and hand him a bag in which you've already taken a healthy dump
b) nonchalantly tell the fool to dump his lamp in his pocket
c) give him a ration about being ill-equipped and give him a bag or let him use yours
Answer
13). What is the best way to clean an excessively dirty or corroded lamp?
a) soak it in a solution of Lime-Away
b) bake in a 370 degree oven for 25-30 minutes
Answer
14). When is the best time to clean your lamp?
a) 1996
b) never
c) within 12 hours of your last cave trip
d) in the middle of a 1500 foot water crawl
Answer
15). The best repair material for a cracked or punctured brass carbide lamp is:
a) cave mud
b) lead or silver solder
c) chewing gum
d) duct tape
Answer
16). A lamp that suddenly erupts into flames like a napalm bomb is a sure sign of what?
a) sabotage
b) loose base or missing gasket
c) a leaking gasoline storage tank nearby
d) an extra-good batch of carbide
Answer
17). Which of the following is most important to a carbide caver?
a) beer
b) food
c) sex
d) clean reflector
Answer
18). If you should accidentally drop your lamp in a stream or pool of water, what should you do?
a) begin screaming "We're all gonna die!" and running blindly through the cave
b) grab the nearest caver of the opposite sex and feed him/her a line about making your last moments happier
c) calmly pick up the lamp, blow sharply on the tip to dry it and relight it
Answer
19). Where is the best place to carry a partially-full dump bag?
a) on the end of a long stick
b) in the highest pocket or pack
c) why carry it when you can leave it in the cave
Answer
20). The best container for carrying carbide in a cave is:
a) a paper bag
b) a sturdy plastic bottle with a tight-fitting gasketed lid
c) a reinforced titanium anti-matter containment vessel
Answer
21). Now that you've finished this kwiz the best use for it is:
a) as a blotter to absorb some of the BS that's been flowing around here for the past 10 minutes
b) emergency TP on your next caving trip
c) liner for the bottom of your birdcage
d) tack it up above that remote corner where you dump your cave gear after each trip as a reminder to clean your @#$*! carbide lamp!
Answer
AND REMEBER..................... K.R. IS WATCHING YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!
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