K.R.'s Carbide Quiz can be found in the Fall 2000 MVOR Guidebook, where it was "Reprinted by popular demand!!" K.R.'s Carbide Quiz is unedited and is a source of amusement and maybe even some education. To see the answers, just click on the links, and they will appear in the frame below.

K.R.'s KARBIDE KWIZ
(OR, I CAN'T STAND IT ANYMORE)

1). Where did the carbide lamp first gain widespread use as a light source?

  • a) by coonhunters
  • b) by natural gas workers
  • c) by miners
    Answer

    2). How much carbide does the average lamp require per filling?

  • a) 1 lump
  • b) 2 lumps
  • c) about half a baseful
  • d) stuff 'er full
    Answer

    3). If you should manage to overfill a lamp, and the contents turn to something resembling reinforced concrete, what is the best way to remove the stuff?

  • a) a strong stream of water and/or a blunt instrument
  • b) a pocketknife
  • c) a tactical nuclear weapon
    Answer

    4). The key to successful carbide lamp operation is?

  • a) a good vocabulary of cuss words
  • b) cleanliness
  • c) Godliness
    Answer

    5). A small blue flame or one that comes out of the tip at an angle is usually a good indicator of what?

  • a) impending doom
  • b) bad karma
  • c) out of carbide
  • d) plugged tip
    Answer

    6). The proper method of using a tip cleaner is:

  • a) gently force one wire straight through the tip
  • b) shove a couple of wires an' ream that mother out
  • c) tip cleaners aren't tools, but merely a form of cave jewelry
    Answer

    7). A good time to replace your tip is when?

  • a) when you knock the tip out and you can't tell the difference
  • b) when you have to turn the water feed very high to get a decent flame
  • c) when you hit age 65
    Answer

    8). The purpose of a felt in a lamp is:

  • a) to cause problems when you least expect or need them
  • b) to serve as an emergency handkerchief
  • c) to prevent water or carbide from entering the gas delivery tube
    Answer

    9). If you are caving and start having lamp problems, what should you do?

  • a) whack your lamp soundly on the nearest solid object
  • b) take the lamp from the caver you just whacked on the head with your lamp
  • c) sit down and check your lamp's systems thoroughly until you locate the problem
    Answer

    10). A flame that pulsates or gets bigger when you turn the lamp down usually means what?

  • a) the caver in front of you had beans for lunch (impending doom)
  • b) you are probably out of water
  • c) your 500 Brumley Tech school bonds just fell 60 points
    Answer

    11). The minimum extra parts and tools a carbide caver should carry are:

  • a) a pair of pliers, tip cleaner, spare tip, gasket and flint
  • b) a can of beer, cigarettes and a copy of Playboy
  • c) a hammer to take care of that #$?@! lamp once and for all
    Answer

    12). What should you say to a caver who says to you "Hey, man got an extra dump bag?"

  • a) Say "Sure" and hand him a bag in which you've already taken a healthy dump
  • b) nonchalantly tell the fool to dump his lamp in his pocket
  • c) give him a ration about being ill-equipped and give him a bag or let him use yours
    Answer

    13). What is the best way to clean an excessively dirty or corroded lamp?

  • a) soak it in a solution of Lime-Away
  • b) bake in a 370 degree oven for 25-30 minutes
    Answer

    14). When is the best time to clean your lamp?

  • a) 1996
  • b) never
  • c) within 12 hours of your last cave trip
  • d) in the middle of a 1500 foot water crawl
    Answer

    15). The best repair material for a cracked or punctured brass carbide lamp is:

  • a) cave mud
  • b) lead or silver solder
  • c) chewing gum
  • d) duct tape
    Answer

    16). A lamp that suddenly erupts into flames like a napalm bomb is a sure sign of what?

  • a) sabotage
  • b) loose base or missing gasket
  • c) a leaking gasoline storage tank nearby
  • d) an extra-good batch of carbide
    Answer

    17). Which of the following is most important to a carbide caver?

  • a) beer
  • b) food
  • c) sex
  • d) clean reflector
    Answer

    18). If you should accidentally drop your lamp in a stream or pool of water, what should you do?

  • a) begin screaming "We're all gonna die!" and running blindly through the cave
  • b) grab the nearest caver of the opposite sex and feed him/her a line about making your last moments happier
  • c) calmly pick up the lamp, blow sharply on the tip to dry it and relight it
    Answer

    19). Where is the best place to carry a partially-full dump bag?

  • a) on the end of a long stick
  • b) in the highest pocket or pack
  • c) why carry it when you can leave it in the cave
    Answer

    20). The best container for carrying carbide in a cave is:

  • a) a paper bag
  • b) a sturdy plastic bottle with a tight-fitting gasketed lid
  • c) a reinforced titanium anti-matter containment vessel
    Answer

    21). Now that you've finished this kwiz the best use for it is:

  • a) as a blotter to absorb some of the BS that's been flowing around here for the past 10 minutes
  • b) emergency TP on your next caving trip
  • c) liner for the bottom of your birdcage
  • d) tack it up above that remote corner where you dump your cave gear after each trip as a reminder to clean your @#$*! carbide lamp!
    Answer

     

    AND REMEBER..................... K.R. IS WATCHING YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Click here if this page appears outside of its frames.